Big News Everyone!

This isn't a typical post for me, but I felt the need to share.  On March 31st, 2017 my son Eli Anthony Faulkner was born!!  The wife and child are resting/recovering at home.  There has been many sleepless nights and many poopy diapers since then... (the usual)... but with God's grace he is healthy and happy!

Thanks everyone!!

Hating Your Job

My job has its ups and downs like anyone else’s job.  I am fortunate enough to have a job that affords me a lot of time off, and more or less allows me to set me own hours.  Not only that, but in my opinion I am well paid for what I do.  I used to think I was overpaid for what I do, but when I thought about how specific my skills are I realized it was probably fair compensation.  All that said and as fortunate as I am to even have a job (let alone a good one); I feel like I spend an exorbitant amount of time complaining about my job.   

I have recently realized that while I used to be one of the best or smartest people at my job; I am clearly not that person anymore.  I’ve grown up hearing “you can be anything you want to be” and I think that through much study and practice I could be that person again (or as close to it as possible).  For whatever its worth though,(I don’t want to use my previous medical incidents as an excuse), I do know that cognitively my head is not what it used to be and I don’t believe it ever will be.  Because of my previous traumatic brain injury (or TBI) I had to take the “Neuropsych” test three different times, just to return to a working status.  The test isn’t comprised of questions like “What’s 1+1?” but the test is meant to evaluate your cognitive ability.  There is no pass or fail.  It simply tests the various functions and abilities of your brain to let you know your strengths and weaknesses.  In conjunction to physical, speech, and occupational therapy I have learnt many of the different coping mechanisms in order to better live or act in life.  In other words these coping mechanisms are “the new normal” for me.  Luckily a large part of one of the coping mechanisms is writing things down so you don’t forget them.  Because my job largely works with top secret equipment, much of what I do has to be written down anyways because otherwise it would be classified and not permissible.  I only write down the unclassified or “lowest levels” so that I can keep it in my notebook and take it home with me.  If you were to look at my notes, there would never be any classified pages or documents.

At any rate, all this said it has largely caused me to dislike my job and what I do.  As great as my job is, and as grateful that I am to even have a job; I feel like I complain about it a lot (internally) and often hate what I do.  I have spent months at this point praying and asking for a different job.  I don’t mind working hard or long hours, I just want to find a different job.  So I was praying that God would both deliver me from my current job (and more importantly); that he would place me where he can utilize me to the greatest degree or effect.  I have prayed that for a while now, hoping that there would be an answer but I wasn’t getting anything from him.  Yesterday I was reading 1 Timothy, and the very first sentences were

“1 Timothy 1:1-4

Greeting

1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, by the commandment of God our Savior and the Lord Jesus Christ, our hope,

² To Timothy, a true son in the faith:

Grace, mercy, and peace from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord.

No Other Doctrine

³ As I urged you when I went into Macedonia—remain in Ephesus that you may charge some that they teach no other doctrine, ⁴ nor give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which cause disputes rather than godly edification which is in faith. ”
 

Verse 3 was the key line or verse that hit me like a ton of bricks.  Paul’s (who wrote this letter to Timothy) first words or advice was for him to basically stay put.  Obviously it is impossible to know what happened entirely and/or relate to that past; but do a bit of research if you do desire, and imagine being put in Timothy’s place.  Imagine being a student of Paul and founding churches for God and then feeling trapped where you are; because the elders and personnel in the church continuously argue about the way things are or way they should be.  Imagine hating where you are for any “X, Y, Z” reason, and “X, Y, Z” could be any reason-- either valid or not.  Then imagine when you are finally ready to leave, you are asked to stay a little bit longer.  This is all speculative of course, but I always try to place myself in the shoes of both the author (and/or writer of the letter) as well as anyone in the “to” line, or who it was written to.

Needless to say I felt like God was telling me to stay put.  I can only imagine how long Timothy had to “stay put” before he moved on but at this point I am waiting until God clearly lightens a path for me.  In Thanksgiving of 2014 I interviewed for a job with GRSI and was ultimately passed up.  (I feel like they had already found someone to fulfill the position at that point and were only interviewing me as a matter of principal, but that is neither here nor there at this point.)  Yesterday after I read that verse and internalized it I got to work and began my day like normal.  Shortly after I got an email from a recruiter at GRSI asking me if I was still interested in that position, only in Jacksonville, FL or San Diego, CA.  Personally, yes I definitely would be but there are several other issues that would need to be considered.  My salary (obviously) combined with the fact that my wife just started a new job at Old Dominion University.  If we were to leave she would have to find a new job; coupled with the fact that my wife is now pregnant.  While she is due March 27^th, that is certainly an additional consideration. 

The reality is that I know the contracting world and I know that GRSI wouldn’t be able to pay me enough to relocate.  I would basically have to make my current salary PLUS hers, so that she ultimately could be a stay at home mom.  Realistically I know (from purely a business standpoint) that it just wouldn’t make sense so I emailed the recruiter today and let him know that as I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.  So why am I writing all this?

I may not like or love my job, but I have to trust that God has something better for me in the end.  I need to have faith that no matter what, God has bigger and better things planned for me in the end.  It is difficult right now because I can’t see the other side.  After all, hindsight is 20/20 right? and only God can know what he has planned for us in the future.  So unless you have a time machine somehow… it is what it is.  In the meantime I will continue to study God’s words and desires and have faith that there are better things for me in the future.  It is just a matter of time and waiting until we will know what they are.  I may dislike or hate my job, but I will continue to pray that his will be done, because as much as it pains me to say and admit; it is a much better plan than doing things my own way.  I probably haven’t done enough research on this particular verse but it is often quoted and probably overused; but I am clinging to it now for strength.

               Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

As guilty as Peter

               When I was growing up, I was lucky enough (or unlucky depending on how you look at it) to be raised in a home of firm believers.  Part of the routine was attending church at least once a week, but as I got older I began attending church for various reasons multiple times a week.  As a result, I’d heard the story of Peter and his denial of Christ many times.  For those unfamiliar you can read the entire story in Matthew 26: 33-35, Mark 14: 29-31, Luke 22: 33-34, or John 13: 36-38.  I highly recommend reading and studying the story a bit if you are unfamiliar with it; but in essence Peter (a man who spent quite a bit of time with Jesus himself) was accused of not only knowing Jesus, but being affiliated with him.  On three separate occasions Peter denied even knowing Jesus, let alone being affiliated with him.  Ironically, Jesus had even told him in prior to his denials that he would do this, and Peter being the good upstanding and brave person that he was told Jesus that he was wrong.  [Hind sight is always 20/20, but can you imagine telling Jesus that he would be wrong about something?  Different discussion for another time I know but still….)           

               At any rate; if you had asked me years ago if I would have ever denied Christ I would’ve said you were insane.  At that point in my life, the thought of denying him not only seemed ridiculous, but unfathomable.  Then in 2002 I joined the U.S. Navy, and while I was in boot camp we were issued dog tags.  These tags are used to identify not only you as a person, but brief medical information about you such as your blood type, inoculations, etc.  At the bottom of your dog tags is your religious preference as well.  The point of having that information is that should you die for whatever reason, the dog tags let the world know what sort of religious ceremony should be performed.  So if I were Catholic, I could have Catholic printed at the bottom of my dog tags.  If I were Muslim, I could have Muslim printed at the bottom of my tags. 

At any rate, when I was in boot camp I was given the opportunity to basically have “no comment” printed at the bottom of my tags.  They would have come with “No Rel Pref” (no religious preference).  The bottom line is that while I may have not had outright verbally denied knowledge of Jesus the same way that Peter did, I essentially did.  Of course I didn’t realize this at the time (hindsight is always 20/20); I did nonetheless.  It is a singular thought and guilt that still confounds and saddens me to this day.

That said… there is good news!  Perhaps you yourself have denied Christ in various forms or ways.  Perhaps you are guilty the same way that Peter was, and flat out verbally denied the existence of him.  Perhaps you thought it to yourself; or you agreed with the different writings or sayings of other people.  Maybe you agreed with the writings or sayings of some of the "so called greats”.  After all; “who am I to argue with Neil deGrasse Tyson? (Or substitute his name with any other famous or scholarly person).  Should we dismiss it?

I do not believe so, but what’s to say that his thoughts or theories can’t coexist with the existence of a creator?  Ironically, many of the evolutionists are more adamant about the proof and case for evolution, than Christians are about the case for Christ!  I personally am not saying that any of those people are necessarily wrong, but what I’m saying is that it is possible for thier to be room for their theories as well as others.

At any rate, if you find yourself in the same shoes as me (or Peter), you should know that Christ essentially doesn’t care that we denied him.  I personally believe there is not one sin greater than the others.  Christ himself told the thief on the cross next to him that he would join him that day in paradise (Luke 23: 43).  If you have any questions or thoughts regarding this blog (or any other that I’ve posted) by all means, please email or send me a message and I will respond as quickly as I can.  I believe that Christ has died for ALL of our sins no matter how great or small; and denying him is no different.  It is not greater or smaller than any of the other sins we sadly commit on a regular basis.  For what it’s worth, I think that is important to note that Peter in spite of his denials is listed as one of Jesus’s favorite disciples.  He later went on to write I Peter and II Peter and be a prominent speaker after the day of Pentecost.  (Read for your own knowledge if desired).  As it is currently Christmas season… don’t forget the reason for the season!  

Incremental Steps

I’ve wanted to update this for quite some time now, but I never really knew how or what to say.  I probably won’t update this blog all that often, but I wanted to post this…

Earlier a few weeks ago I heard a Freakanomics podcast entitled “The Praise of Incrementalism”.  While the podcast itself was great (Freakanomics has put out some of my personal favorites) I immediately hearkened to our spiritual lives.  The reality is that we as a nation tend to think of major or colossal events as being the catalyst for major change.  In particular the podcast went on to talk about how homosexual marriage is now legal, and the overarching opinion or thoughts regarding homosexual marriage has changed drastically over the years.  It spoke of a time not that long ago, when being a homosexual was considered crazy by many, even by the medical community.  It also talked about racism and the way we view people of different colors and races.

This post isn’t about homosexual marriage or racism, but the point was that it only started with ONE person or group standing up for what they believed in.  That ONE person or group led to a larger community doing the same, and so on and so on.  Was Rosa Parks or Matlin Luther King the first person (or people) to stand up for black rights?  Of course not.  They were just the most popular people and as a result are attributed to the cause.  They are to this day considered to be some of the people who were major catalysts of the black movement.

At any rate, it really got me to consider the changes in our lives from a spiritual perspective.  If you were to think about “the Godliest person you know”, do you suspect they became that way over night?  Chances are… … no.  I suspect if you were to ask that person how they got to be the way they were, they would likely tell you it took a lifetime (or set amount of time) of commitment and dedication to the cause.  In all likelihood it was “a series of incremental steps”.  I heard on a separate podcast that the people we might consider to be “great people” in the Christian faith like Paul did much of their “training” while in the waiting periods.  

Most of us probably know (or should know anyways) that Paul was traveling to Damascus when he encountered Christ for the first time.  After spending a portion of his life persecuting the followers of Christ, he obviously had a sudden change of heart.  I believe it was Greg Surrat (lead pastor of Seacoast church) who preached to the crowd that after encountering Christ, Paul went out to the desert for a while.  It was there that Christ stretched him and molded him in to being the man that he became.

I thought this is important because while major events and changes obviously do and can happen, and particularly at someone’s conversion to Christ; it is the lifetime of pursuit and striving to be like him that makes us who we are.  It is what gives the appearance of “being Godly”.  I look back at my own life and at certain points, you would never know that I was a Christian unless you asked.  I may not run across the streets or shout “Jesus will save!” from my rooftop; but that doesn’t mean I’m any less laved.  I hope that other people know and can tell that I’m “not normal” and I will always be willing and happy to talk about it.  The truth and reality though is that sometimes I don’t feel saved.  I feel like I probably don’t talk about it or share it as much as I should.

While I may not appear on the surface to be saved (like the Billy Graham’s of the world) it is the little things or incremental steps that we can take in life that get us to where God would have us.  Before my crazy accident I used to have a mouth like a sailor.  I was in the Navy for six years prior to my accident, but that doesn’t change anything.  I literally defined and exemplified the term “having a mouth like a sailor.”  I don’t anymore, and yes I do let the occasional swear word fly… but overall cussing or dirty language is not part of my life and vocabulary.  As it says: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:28)  To be honest, dirty language was such a part of my life that I really wasn’t sure if I could ever “turn it off”. 

At any rate, my point is this: 

"While we may expect and hope for giant changes and gains; it is often the baby or incremental steps that get us to the end."  

 In the end all I know is I want to be with the Lord.